Fun in the sun…but not if you’re fat
It’s an early summer in my part of the world and it’s glorious. Every winter I complain about the incoming cold and rain that will hang around for the next 52 months but not this year.
There’s a process that happens every summer for me. Dig out the shorts and tank tops, make an appointment to get a pedicure, stock up on sunblock, and get ready for the onslaught of comments from people about my body. As a fat person, I have the dual role of being “Visible and Invisible”. I'm fat so naturally, people have to say something but I’m fat so naturally I can’t be attractive, smart, or desirable. I can be funny and I can hold my thin friends' coats while they go dancing.
My experience living in a fat brown body growing up in the 80s/90s was similar to a lot of other fat kids’ experiences. Being made fun of, hypersexualized at a young age, getting asked out as a joke, sharing tips on how to hold your stomach in all day, being told that I could be pretty if I just lost the weight. Y'know, everyday stuff. Finding fat liberation in my 30s was earth-shattering for me. There were people, like brown queer people, who were fat and didn’t let that be the end of their story. I will be forever grateful to NOLOSE (a conference for fat folks) and the people I met there. What I witnessed was a whole bunch of people who had similar lived experiences and made the conscious decision to live their lives fully not despite being fat but being fat as just a descriptor. The wonderful volunteers at NOLOSE continue their work and hopefully, one-day in-person conferences will return.
I can say that I’m fat now and not hope that someone will say “No you’re not!” to show that they don’t see me “like that”. I can call out fat hate when someone says “Ugh, I feel so fat today”. I’ve seen shifts in society but at the core, we still have a long way to go. Systemically, we have not decided that being fat is not a moral failure. The idea is that if we just cared more about ourselves or weren’t so lazy we could be normal. We still question if a good-looking, thin person dates a fat person– “She must be paying him” or “Does he think he can’t get anyone better?”. The fact that when a fat person loses weight people congratulate them and ask for their weight loss secrets. People smile at them, hold doors open, flirt, or even just acknowledge their presence. It’s like the formally fat person has finally won their place in regular society. Being fat is a struggle. Not because I’m fat it’s because we as a society have decided to punish anyone who isn’t the norm. But who decides what’s the norm?
If you find yourself “feeling fat” maybe take a second and examine what does that mean to you? How will you be punished for being fat? How are you punishing others for being fat?
It’s hot out. Keep drinking water, and wear your sunscreen. We all have a right to feel safe in our skin no matter what size we’re wearing.
